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Rocky City's Water Closet Inspections Bureau

April 17 - Advisory to all Rocky City Residents:
Since 1990, the Water Closet Inspections Bureau has recorded possible injuries while residents were apparently using water closet or bath facilities within their homes. Public Safety is the ultimate priority of the WCIB and its agents. Five special subcommittees and two independent laboratories have been studying detailed documents, sensor readings and video data, recorded by residential appliance sensors and cameras during the past seventeen years, and have just announced that approved Rocky City personal toilets, when used according to their owner's manual documentation, are completely safe. None of the 1,282 recorded fatalities are believed to have been equipment-related.
However, many of these appliances are now aging. Several persons have reported smoke, sparks, and even flame from their water closets. While the WCIB report states this is harmless, it is suggested that older units be taken to an authorized service center (Fragg Hardware stores) for service and upgrades. Rocky City is matching a limited-time rebate from Fragg authorized service centers for a total cost reduction of 15% off the regular $5,280 upgrade charge for any Roctot toilet manufactured prior to 1998. The additional fee of $2,000 for the Water Closet network disconnect / reconnect permit fees may be waived for elderly residents while Fragg Hardware has also agreed to provide priority service for approved elderly or handicapped customers, usually assuring that the toilets will be returned in one week or less.
Important notes: 1) Citizens are not allowed to disconnect city network connections to any part of their home toilets. Only WCIB agents are authorized to temporarily disable flush sensors and cameras. 2) If you do locate an unconcious person in a bathroom within your home, particularly in cases where an accompanying smell of electric arc or burned flesh might be noted, or if you see flames coming out of your toilet, please call the WCIB right away. Avoid using any fixture within the same bathroom until agents check for any safety problems in your equipment.

ROCKY CITY LEGAL DEPT: "The ROCTOT Crapper User's Manual does not mention "turning on" any water valves after connecting the water supply lines. Therefore, any owner who has "turned on" water to or near these waste appliances withuot specific, written authorization has violated safety rules for the safe operation of their toilets, endangering life and property, and may, consequently, be arrested if they attempt to sue Rocky City for equipment malfunction." -Lucius Vasiline, City Legal Dept.
January 7th: 250,000 Rocky City residents attended one of the largest celebrations in history when the New Era of Progressive Challenge speech was delivered by Mayor Stagg on Sunday afternoon. This directive will include activation of NEPC rules, requiring the Water Closet Inspections Bureau to serve all citizens by eliminating crime in our city, providing for future resource management, and ensuring NEPC goals for the new Century. The legal framework for NEPC will become effective on January 15. Please see NEPC RULES AND REGULATIONS which affects all Rocky City residents after January. See also, NEPC, How It Works.
Male Birthrate % Going Down: Rocky City scientists, recently interviewed at Fragg's Fritter & Flapper Lounge, explained Rocky City's extensive program to monitor environmental concerns for residents, to keep them safe and healthy. With worldwide drops in the percentage of males born to females in industralized countries, concern about xenoestrogen contamination from toxic wastes has been a hot topic in the news. Rocky City's own astrophysicist, hydrological engineer and trash inspector, Damn Fifth, peered intently into his scotch & soda, then assured reporters that he had not seen any "xeno-things" around Rocky City. In a jovial mood of security concerning our city's environmental health, Mr. Fifth then added, "But I do recommend that you try to avoid breathing." Mayor Stagg's recent State of tthe City Address noted that Rocky City consistently tests as one of the cleanest American cities in our nation. All tests and carried out here in our city by Fragg Labs, to ensure accuracy of test parameters.
Rocky City residents were beseiged by winter storms that brought much of Colorado, as well as our city, to a halt several times. The estimated costs to airlines from cancelled flights and delays were nearly $1 billion. Yet, our new city water engineer, Damn Fifth, reports that global warming and ozone depletion have nearly dried up beer reserves, and that additional rationing and increased water fees for all residents are inevitable this year. Also, flushing violations, shower and bath sensor overruns, watering violations and rage incidents against WCIB agents by citizens will be harshly punished. Any attempt at network disconnection of cameras or other sensors, as well as all water use violations, will be investigated immediately at any time of day or night. It is every citizen's duty to the community to report suspected multiflushers to agents. Look at your neighbor's house for signs of multiflush criminal behavior, such as buckets by back doors or hoses run into their houses at night. Also listen to noises from your water pipes that might indicate that a neighbor is illegally consuming water. Our precious water is a resource that we must all share.


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